I opened my eyes and didn’t want to get up. It wasn’t because I was tired; it was because I didn’t want to face another day like the past few. You could probably tell from my last post that I’d been struggling with some things, and I was frankly sick of it. Nothing I did, no Scripture I read, no prayer I prayed seemed to sustainably ease my struggle.
I remembered recently reading about a study that showed a correlation between the time spent on Facebook and loneliness. And over the past few days I had found myself drawn to Facebook more and more, for an unknown reason. Recalling the study, I realized I was searching for something. Something that an endless amount of “refresh news feeds” couldn’t cure.
I was lonely. Still feeling and fearing rejection, battling some fears and worries, I was also stuck at home with a sick child for days. All that added up to feeling very alone.
I made the decision that day not to check Facebook every time I was bored. Instead, when the urge came to get online, I’d either pray or read a book. It was almost as if I resigned myself to feeling alone and I decided I’d pour myself into my family and that would be enough.
Then, almost out of the blue, two friends emailed me. My spirits lifted almost immediately. I didn’t feel alone anymore.
(Side note: if a friend comes to mind, there’s a reason. Contact them somehow. You never know how alone they might be feeling in that moment and how something simple can make a world of difference.)
Finding my spirits lifted, I prayed a prayer of thanks. I knew these emails came from God, really. I had stopped my frenetic pace, my constant worrying, my searching in Facebook for comfort. I didn’t instantly make holy decisions but I stopped searching from without for validation and love.
And God provided.
I’m pretty sure there’s a name for God somewhere in the Bible that is “Provider.” Usually when I think of that, I think of God as providing in the physical sense: food, way of life, anything tangible.
I had never considered God my Provider in terms of the simplest needs like companionship. It’s almost as if he kept people away from me until I came to depend on Him alone for these deep needs.
Every good and perfect gift comes from above. (James 1:17)
If my friends would have emailed me the day before, I’m not sure I would have recognized those emails as gifts from God. But I did that day.
This was several days ago, and I haven’t returned to my sad, lonely state. The things that monopolized my worries haven’t changed, but you know what? They aren’t strangling me anymore either. I’m at peace.
The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not be in want. (Psalm 23:1)
He is my Provider.
And He’ll make sure I find comfort in no one or nothing else until I’m ready to seek comfort in Him alone.
THEN, His blessings will overflow!
Thank you, Lord, that YOU are my Provider. May I never seek another for the deepest longings of my soul.